Pirates of the Carribean

A bunch of my friends live in this apartment complex called ''The Carribean." They decided to have a Pirates of the Carribean party this weekend. There probably three hundred-plus people at this party fully decked out in pirate gear. I was the only person there dressed in a Pittsburgh Pirate's baseball uniform.

This is the pre-party at my friend's place.

Me mocking someone.

My presentation today

I have to make a presentation for a class today. Its totally informal and not that big of a deal. However, I'm wearing a full suit and tie, putting a bluetooth earpiece in my ear, and pouring myself a glass of water during the presentation. I think this will go over well and really boost my ethos.

How my friends treat each other.

My friend Chris went to my friend James' parent's house when we were in high school to see if James was home. When his dad answered the door and said that James was not home, Chris told him that James owed him $50 dollars and said he was supposed to leave it by the front door. James' dad said he didn't see the money, but that he would give him the $50 and James could just pay him back. In reality, James did not owe Chris one cent, and now James owed his dad $50 dollars that Chris had conned out of him.

My friend Tyler is really good at impersonations and thus prank calls, so we decided it would be funny to get our friend Scott grounded for as long as possible. One day, Tyler called Scott's parents and claimed to be the dean of our high school. He proceeded to tell Scott's parents that he had been ditching school for the last month and was on track to be expelled. Tyler then set up a meeting (posing as the dean) with Scott's parents, but set the meeting for two weeks from that day. What this did is cause Scott to be grounded for the two weeks while waiting for his meeting with the dean and his parents. Pretty much every night when our group of friends were going out to party we would call Scott and ask him how his grounding was going, call him names while laughing and make fun of him the next day at school. He knew it was us, but his parents did not believe him and kept him grounded. The best part probably happened when Scott's parents actually showed up for the meeting with the dean and found out that the entire thing was fake.

I had a party at my house in high school, the day after my parents had our carpets professionally steam cleaned. I kept everyone on the hardwood floors, in the backyard, and off the carpets. However, my friend Ryan got too drunk and wandered into my living room and laid on my couch. He then decided it would be a good idea to puke on the carpet and not even attempt to make his way to the bathroom. I had to seek immediate revenge. I did not try to clean him up one bit, but instead dragged him into the bed of my friend's truck, drove over every speed bump on the way to his house, then left him on his front porch passed out with puke all over him with a note saying "ground me." This was already sufficient revenge, but I did not stop there. It was early in January, so Ryan's entire neighborhood had set their Christmas trees out on the curb to be collected. I knew Ryan was trying to sell his piece of shit car, we called the trapezoid. I also knew how to break into Ryan's car because of a broken window. With some help from three of my friends, we drove around dragging every tree in front of Ryan's house. We then opened all the doors, and the sunroof to his car and stuffed every tree from his neighborhood into his car and then piled the rest on top until you couldn't even see his car, but instead it looked like a giant mound of trees. His car wreaked of pine and he couldn't sell his car for months because it smelled so bad.

Another time in high school, I stole a stack of detention slips and had my friend that worked in the front office of the school actually process the detentions I would write my other friends. In essence, if my friend pissed me off or said something mean to me, I would take out a detention slip and write him a detention that he really would have to serve.

Last but not least, I was at my friend Will's house and he told me he was planning on slipping a laxative into our friend Jimmy's drink later that day. Being a good friend, I warned Jimmy that Will was plotting against him. This backfired for everyone. Jimmy thought it would be funny to put the laxative into Will's family milk in their refrigerator. The entire family ended up drinking the milk over the next couple days, except Will. Will's father, mother, and three siblings all had to miss at least one day of work or school. No one knew what happened for weeks, until it came out that it was Jimmy. Somehow I was roped into the story, so Jimmy and I were banned from Will's house for over a year.

Out of context quotes 4

"Ya it went great, she didn't even make me sleep on the couch this time, but I've never seen someone lay that close to the edge of a bed before."

Out of context quotes 3

"Whoever was to my left last night was throwing really good punches, my jaw hurts so bad."

BASHIO

I am taking time out from the greatest party known to man to write this blog as this is the best way possible to document such a glorious expression of the college experience.

Mustashio Bashio is an annual event not to be missed. The rules are simple:

No girls allowed.
You have to drink, nay pound as fast as possible, warm Jack Daniels out of a plastic cup handed to you as you walk in the gate.
No chasers.
No excuses.
No wining.
No complaining.
There are trashcans set up every five feet to catch the puke.
If you are an upper classman that is capable you must have been growing a mustache over the last month. If you are a newbie or unable to physically grow a 'stache you will be appointed an asshole that draws one on you with permanent marker.
Drink/ regurgitate your cup within twenty minutes.
Walk or stumble to the 90 to ruin a bunch of normal people's nights.
Be awesome.

There will be a follow up post with pictures if available, although most people will refuse to take pictures as they could easily be used for blackmail in the future.

Out of context quotes 2

"No, hold on. I'm trying to think of good ideas."

Out of context quotes

Whenever I hear a friend say a stupid or funny quote, I'm going to post it and if anyone wants to hear the full story behind it they can just comment and ask. If not I'm letting the quote just sit there.

The first one I will post is:

"When the sink hot and cold knobs are reversed its the most frustrating thing in the world. Well, maybe not the most frustrating, but its up there."

A Star Is Porn

d e a l o r n o d e al

This show pisses me off like you wouldn't believe, but yet I watch it quite frequently (mostly to make fun of its ridiculous unnecessary suspense). I actually wrote a huge rant about how much Howie Mandel sucks and that he makes up the names of the girls on the show, because there is no way he could remember all their real names. However, I messed up and lost the post so I'm settling with the main point that the show sucks.

My latest eBay purchase

I recently bought a neon pink Speedo hat that is made specifically for volleyball legend Karch Kiraly to wear during tournaments. He wears it with the bill flipped up in the front, and it says SPEEDO in all caps in black. It is one of the most obnoxiously loud articles of clothing I've ever seen. I plan on wearing this way too much, so when I get pictures maybe I'll post one.

Solution to crazy homeless people

I was walking in Downtown LA today to get some food, and saw a crazy man yelling having an argument. The odd thing is that he was arguing with himself. Its a very odd thing to watch, beause you always have to wonder if somewhere someone else is having the other side of the argument. Anyway, I looked at a business man walking down the street a minute later and he looked as though he was doing the same thing, but then I saw he had a Bluetooth ear piece in his ear and was actually talking to someone else. So, I put two and two together and figured out a way to fix the problem of crazy bums. I propose that we give them all cell phones or Bluetooth ear pieces, so they just blend in.

I think this plan could have great possibilities at fixing the current situation in some parts of downtown overcrowding of the homeless.

80's power hour

This is how I start most of my nights before I go out. I often get in the mood to dress up in neon "wearable art" such as my pink Speedo hat and listen to some sweet 80's classics. I downloaded this power hour mix onto my iPod a while ago and I've put it to good use. The standard rule for power hour is to take a shot of beer every minute, for an hour. The 80's playlist I have switches automatically every minute on the minute, which is really as long as you want to listen to an 80's song anyway. Its also come in handy for other things. For example, when I spin (bikes) at the gym I use it to keep track of the minutes.

Greatest quote, probably ever

Long-story short, my friend and I were 'cougar hunting' (which is an entire post by itself and I will go into depth later) at this bar in Carona Del Mar and my friend had the best quote I have ever heard. I did not realize his genius for a couple hours until we got home, otherwise I would have been laughing hysterically in the bar. So anyway, here's the setup:

We were standing at the bar ordering drinks, and this lady walked up and asked my friend to buy her a drink, to which he responded with:

"How about, if you end up going home with me tonight, I will reimburse you for all the drinks you buy tonight, up to $50"

She promptly responded by calling him an asshole and walking away.

I held up my part of the insult by yelling out "save your receipts" as she walked away.

What I find especially funny is that he had the presence of mind to put a $50 limit on the amount of alcohol he would cover for the night, as if that is the amount of booze it would take her to go home with him.

Jaywalking: Update

If someone is crossing the street illegally with a cane, is it still jay'walking' or is it jayhobbling, or jaylimping? I saw this old lady blatantly crossing the street today in the middle of traffic with her cane, and it made me think.

7th Man

My roommate is the co-founder of the 7th Man organization at USC. This was set up to benefit the men's tennis team, and has been gaining popularity over the last several years. Basically, its a way to get people out and attend the men's tennis team. It takes an entirely different approach to filling the seats, and it has proven to work.

How it works is simple. You buy a 7th man tee-shirt once a season for $5. Then, every time you come to a men's tennis match, you can always get free food (usually Chipotle, In-N-Out, or Pizza), free drinks (Water, Soda, and Kegs of beer in the parking lot).

The latests showing was against our crosstown rivals UCLA. They were so nervous about our intense cheering that there was an article in the Daily Bruin about the 7th Man club. Tennis is not usually a sport that has hecklers or rowdy fans. 7th Man changes all that. With a literally packed house at our home match against UCLA, the players could not handle the pressure. Several of their top players showed obvious signs of frustration as they lost to the trojans, something they have not done in over two years.

Funny things to do to your friend's phone

1. Sign them up for those cheesy text-messaging services you see commercials for. The best ones are the joke of the day and the fortune-telling service.
2. Send a text message to every girl in a guy's phone saying "um, we need to talk."
3. Send a text message to every girl in a guy's phone saying "you're mean."
4. Ask to use their phone when they're intoxicated, preferably late at night. Then find "home" in their address book and dial it. From there you can do a number of things that require your imagination.
5. In the settings menu, change the language to anything but English.
6. Borrow their phone for a minute, then change their voice mail message to something funny/creepy/inappropriate.
7. Set multiple alarms starting at 4:30am and as many as you have the patients to put in after that.
8. Disable any alarms they have set to get up in the morning for work/school.
9. If you're in class, change their ringer from silent to loud, then call them a minute later.
10. Send a text message to everyone in their entire address book saying "I'M THE MAN" as late as possible.

The Vegas

For my friend's 22nd birthday a couple weeks ago, we were sitting around on a Tuesday night at 9pm and deciding how to celebrate. We didn't want to do the same old thing at bar around campus (notice I used the singular 'bar' because we live in a third world city that only has one bar). So, we figured that in a couple months we won't be able to do whatever we want on any Tuesday night and that we should take full advantage. We decided to drive to Vegas around 9:30pm, not get a hotel room and drive back in the morning.
A couple of us made it even more exciting for the birthday boy. When he said he wanted to go to Las Vegas, three of us looked at each other with that "lets mess with him a little first" look. By now we know that look when we see it. We acted all pissed and told him that it was a selfish idea and that he should just go with his roommates, who were already packing their car that only had five seats (there were 8 of us total). All we did was act really pissed that they would go without us, then waited twenty minutes and hit the road in our own car. We got to the hotel they were gambling at and snuck up behind them and surprised them with our presence. Overall, it was a fantastic trip and probably the best possible way to do a Vegas trip. Oh, and it didn't hurt that I left $350 richer. I am a lucky person.

Yata yata yata. You don't think she'd yata yata sex, do you?

Sorry, I haven't updated lately. Midterms and such have been ruining my life, and I have to prioritize. Even though I enjoy writing these 'waste of time' posts, I've had to cut down, so now everyone who usually reads this should be more productive.

My next post is half written and has been sitting in the draft box for a while. I can tell you now that its entitled "breaking stuff." Its by far my most intelligent and mature post yet.

If you have any ideas or stories about destruction of property for fun, just comment and I'll work it in.

NORTHERN CALIFORNIA IS JUST DIFFERENT

This clip from an actual news report in Oakland speaks for itself. Check out Bubb Rubb the "whistle fan" and Lil' Sis when they take off in their car towards the end of the clip and drive out of control on the wrong side of the street and blow through a stop sign.


This is another pretty ridiculous Norcal clip about these two guys who love their Oakland A's...and ghostriding...


Both of these clips make me feel thankful to be from Southern California and not South Oregon aka Northern California.

ROSCOE'S CHICKEN AND WAFFLES

My friend and I decided to get high last week and go to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles at 1am in the morning. We have talked about doing this ever since we moved to school We had heard that it was a really good meal and an interesting experience in general. So we looked up the directions on the Internet because we're dorks and found out where the closest locations were. We left at about 1am and arrived at the Roscoe's in Hollywood about fifteen minutes later. We drove by slowly and got dirty looks from everyone outside. We stopped and talked about it and figured out that we should have come sooner in the night. We got scared and thought it would be better to check out another location. On the ride there we figured out that there is a positive correlation to the time at night and the shadiness of people eating at Roscoe's chicken and waffles (see graph).
We finally got the courage to park and go into the Roscoe's off of La Brea and Pico, which is definitely the one to go to late at night. It turned out to be one of the best meals I have had in a while. I felt several pounds heavier after leaving, but I was too satisfied to know the difference. I encourage everyone to visit Roscoe's soon, order either the 'scoes combo #1 or #2. Trust me, its delicious.

I APPRECIATE THINGS LIKE THIS

This poem got this guy fired from Apple Computers. He's actually pretty funny and a good public speaker.

MY CLEANING LADY STEALS

In my apartment at school, it was in our lease agreement that we must have a cleaning lady come in and clean our place once every other week. I am really good about cleaning up after myself, so she doesn't usually have much of a job to do when she comes in. The housing company makes its tenants have a cleaning service because its less expensive than repairing damages or replacing dirty carpet at the end of a lease.

For some unknown reason to me, our cleaning lady gets on my nerves. I couldn't tell you why, she just does. The only thing that she does that warrants any sort of hatred towards her is the fact that she steals our cleaning supplies. She has made off with all my regular household cleaning supplies. I guess this cuts down on overhead costs for her, but it sucks for us when something gets dirty in between her visits. So what I have been contemplating is; how to confront or ask her about it. This seems like a pretty steep accusation for me to make about our cleaning lady. I would like to avoid confrontation. Also, I'm pretty sure she doesn't speak much English, and my Spanish is mediocre at best.

After extensive brainstorming, the best possible thing I could think of was to sabotage her to get her back. I was thinking about putting super glue on the top of a sponge, so if she tries to steal it will be stuck to her hand. Another idea that came to me was to fill a box of dishwater soap (one of the items she has stolen in the past) with another kind of soap that will create an excess amount of suds if she tries to use it in her own dishwasher. These are just a couple of semi-evil ideas that I will most likely not do, even though I have the time to waste completing such tasks. If anyone has any better ideas, both mature or extremely immature, please let me know.

MAKING A SCENE GETS YOU FREE STUFF

I'm at home away from school for the weekend and a new center with a bunch of restaurants close to my parents house was built recently. I went in for lunch today at this place called Johnny Rockets. Its a pretty basic diner made to look like it time traveled its way from 1955. I thought I'd give it a shot. The food ended up to be pretty good, but actually getting someone to pay attention to you was a different story. When I walked in the place was almost empty, there were only four or five tables of people eating. I sat down at a booth by myself and started to wait. About five minutes after I sat down two new sets of people sat down in the booths to my left and right. They were waited on immediately and got their food in a timely manner, which made me even more frustrated that I hadn't even received a menu (by the way, I have a theory that because I'm skinny the waiters avoid me because they think I won't order as much food and they will get less of a tip, which is completely false).
At the ten minute mark, things started to get interesting. I tried getting their attention, but in less conventional ways, because a smile and a wave just wasn't doing it for these waiters. For every minute I sat their unnoticed, I opened and poured a sugar packet into the middle of my table. This went on until the twenty minute mark, when my one-minute countdown started. I slowly started to push the glass ketchup bottle towards the end of the table. Sure enough, I hadn't even made eye contact with one Johnny Rocket's employee, so when the minute was up, my ketchup bottle crashed onto the ground and shattered. Everyone in the restaurant turned to look in my direction, while I just sat smiling at my table as though nothing had happened.
Almost immediately the manager came out and asked me if I had been helped. When I told him that I had been here for over twenty minutes (taking the time to count how many sugar packets I had opened and explaining my 'one packet per minute' strategy) he told me that my lunch was on him. I graciously accepted his offer and had the manager as my waiter for the rest of my meal.
I count this as a personal victory, and if nothing else I gave the guy a story to tell his friends about a crazy-asshole customer he had to deal with today.

2 MOVIES EVERYONE MUST OWN

There are two movies I cannot live without. They are both early '90s classics about two of my favorite things to do: surf and play volleyball. Some of the lines in the movies are so terribly awesome that I watch each movie an average of two times a week. Also, if I could raid the wardrobe for both of these movies, that is all I would wear. No joke. North Shore (1987) is about this kid from Arizona that goes to the North Shore of Hawaii and tries to surf with the professionals, and via a cheesy monologue gets really good in no time and ends up winning the Pipeline Masters. Side Out (1990) is about a kid from Milwaukee that moves to Los Angeles to work for his uncle as a lawyer, but ends up (via an equally cheesy monologue) training and winning the Jose Cuervo Classic tournament in Hermosa. One of my favorite lines in Side Out is "The Classic is four weeks away, and you're not looking very classic."

ROOMMATE PRANKS

Last year when I came to school, I got setup to live with this random kid that I had never met. He seemed like a relatively nice guy at first and we generally got along. This was before I realized how much he bugged; the kid is socially awkward and ended up never leaving the apartment. We shared a room and had this awful bunk-bed situation going on that made us pretty much hate each other by the end of the year.

The situation got bad enough that we waged war on each other. This war was not spoken about, it was a silent war that took place through pranks and subtle backhanded compliments or actions. It was much easier for me to get him, because he was always at home. Seriously, the kid never left except to go to class, work, or to get food.

One of my favorite pranks was one that worked over and over again for some reason. On the kitchen sink, I taped the pull out spray handle shut, so it would squirt straight out when he went to turn on the faucet. It was fantastic and really funny when it worked, he never saw it coming. Pretty much every time I left the house I would turn up the heater (if it was hot outside) or the air conditioning (if it was cold outside) just to make him uncomfortable. Kryptonite U-Locks (used to lock bikes) came in handy in many different fashions. Locking the refrigerator, our one bathroom, locking my bike to his so he can't use it until I unlocked it, and one night when he really pissed me off he woke up with it around his neck. This sounds mean but it was justified because of what he did the night before. Double parking my car behind his and not leaving my key was always a plus. Dixie-cupping the apartment took some effort but it was great when I took the time to do it. For those of you who don't know what this is, its when you cover the ground from wall to wall with little Dixie paper cups with water or beer. When he wakes up in the morning, he can't take one step out of bed without moving cups. There are only two ways to get out, spill all the cups or drink them one by one until you clear a pathway to get out.
I feel as though I won the prank war, and now when I see him around campus he won't even look at me. I love making new friends.

SLEEP

I have recently picked up a new hobby, sleep. I sleep on average, about 14 hours a day. Not all at once, but I'll sleep for ten or twelve hours at night, then I take my mandatory nap at my discretion. The only difference between my nap and my normal sleep is the location. Naps generally take place on my couch, but they also occur on comfy chairs and occasionally on a towel at the beach.
The weird thing is, sleeping this much has never been so fulfilling until now. When I was growing up you couldn't pay me to sleep or take a nap. The ironic thing is that's exactly what my parents are doing now. You would think that I'd feel lazy or bad about sleeping to such excess, but I don't for any reason. The only thing that makes me have the slightest regret for the amount of time I dream during the day is when my roommates get all "Carpe Diem" on me and tell me all the things they've done during the day before I wake up.
I think the reason I have increased my daily dream intake lately is because I know I'm graduating and have to enter the real world in a couple months. This might be my last chance I ever have to waste so much time and not have any consequences.

LA-DI-FREAKIN-DA

I am speechless... this is my friend from USC. So here is the setup; every year the sorority Delta Gamma nominates a select few men to be their "Anchor Man" for their annual Anchor Ball invite. Every nominee went to DG's Monday night dinner and was supposed to wear a coat and tie and give a speech. My favorite person on the planet at the moment was selected to go last and delivered the most amazing speech possible. Every girl he calls out during his Scthick has a boyfriend that was nominated as well. There is no question about it, he has to have won the hearts of every girl in the sorority. OK, I've talked his performance up enough, you have to watch the video.

I got kicked out of class AGAIN

I might be alone here, but I didn't know that people take class so seriously. I thought it would be funny to go to class and ask a bunch of questions. This has obviously been done before, so I tried to make it unique by asking all of my questions in two parts. I would say "I have a question; in two parts" then I would ask one question, then a follow-up question that had something to do with the first question. After a while, I ran out of relevant questions to ask, so I started making things up. My best example is towards the end when I was running out of things to ask. This is my question:

"How do you think TiVo will affect product placement advertising budgets in the future of television. Also, do you think the Brady Bunch will ever get back together again?"

I felt my ejection from class was well justified as well as earned.

My parents are proud. By the way, I did the same kind of maneuvers last semester and got a 4.0, so I'm running with it.

?

I don't really have an explanation for posting this... I was just in the mood to see a sweet 80's clip.

BORED IN CLASS, PART oh forget it

Today's class was great, for one reason. The overly annoying kid, that sits in the back of the class with the rest of his 'sick chiller' Pike frat bro's who all try to make annoying jokes in between checking ESPN.com every two seconds to check their high school football fantasy teams, fell hard onto his face. He walked in, ten minutes late as usual, and was giving a 'what's up' to his buddies in the back row. As he was walking up the steps, I just looked at him thinking "fall, fall, fall, fall" so when he did I kind of felt bad; like I did it with my mind. He tripped on one of the steps and just went straight forward. He tried to brake his fall by grabbing for a desk, but his hand slipped and he went down.
Usually I don't laugh at other people's embarrassing accidents that result in minor injuries...wait, that's actually my favorite thing to laugh at. Anyway, I was the only one to laugh out loud in a pretty sizable lecture hall class. I got a couple dirty looks from people around me, but I thought my sense of humor was justified.

BORED IN CLASS, PART III

Today in class, I listened to at least a twenty minute conversation between the two kids in front of me as to whether they would do something for a certain amount of money. No joke, at least twenty minutes talking about this, so I had to listen to the whole conversation. Here are some of the highlights (and yes I did waste my own time in class taking notes on this conversation):

"For $10,000,000 would you drive around for the rest of your life in a baby blue convertible PT Cruiser, with the top down and a yellow surfboard in the backseat? Even if its raining, you have to keep the top down." - Neither of the kids would do it, understandably.

"For $35,000,000, for the rest of your life would you own a cat that you had to walk on a leash everywhere you went, and had matching outfits with?" -Both kids said they would do it, granted that they didn't have to pay for the cat or the cats food, clothing, etc.

The conversation of my personal favorite proposition went something like this:

Kid 1: "For $40,000,000,000 would you..."

Kid 2: "Yes"

Kid 1: "Wait a second, would you wake up every morning at 7:30am and get punted in the balls?"

Kid 2: "Who kicks me?"

Kid 1: "The wiry kicker from the movie, The Replacements" (For those of you who have never seen the movie I included a picture below)

Kid 2: "Absolutely not, and f*ck you for asking me that. Seriously man, that was messed up." (Kid 2 was actually upset, which made it so much funnier)

On another note; I hate when people ask me "What would you do with $1,000,000?" or similar questions like this. I always tell them to get lost, because the only reason anyone asks this question is to tell you what they would do with the money, like they have some great idea about spending money.

HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN

When I moved into my apartment this year the guy who lived in my room before me left a bunch of his stuff. One thing I found was an interesting book entitled How To Be a Gentleman by John Bridges. I started laughing at the thought of this book, but it only got funnier as I read page after page of the most ridiculous advice someone could give men. Some of the chapters are entitled "A Gentleman Gets Dressed" and "A Gentleman Gets Equipped." Here are a couple of my favorite quotes. Keep in mind this book is 100% serious.

"A gentleman knows how to make a grilled cheese at 2 A.M. and an omelet at 7 A.M." (so what he's telling you is that a gentleman sleeps no more than four solid hours a night)

"If a gentleman eats in bed, he always changes his sheets" (Was that a necessary use of ink in his book?)

"Unless he is a Texas Ranger or a cattle rancher, a gentleman does not wear cowboy boots with a suit." (Lucky rangers...I would kill to wear some cowboy boots with a suit. Also, what about funny cowboy themed weddings? Does it count if you're just kidding?)

And, my personal favorite...seriously I laughed for a solid ten minutes at this and called a couple friends and read this to them. They didn't think it was that funny, but they're morons. OK, here it is:

"If a gentleman can afford it, he has someone else clean his house for him." (I think if the author could afford it, he would bring back slavery)

Conclusions:

• John Bridges has way too much time on his hands.


• This is one of the best 'f*ck you' gifts you could give to a guy that hasn't quite mastered common courtesy.


• I will make my kids read this as a punishment one day.


• This book now levels my coffee table.

POTENTIAL

My friend and I were eating breakfast in a restaurant the other day and I noticed that they had those stupid motivational posters on the walls. The type of posters that will have a picture of a rock climber on a steep cliff, with the word "determination" underneath. I asked my buddy what his poster would say under his picture, and he came back with the best possible answer; potential. The next day I made this picture on my computer and sent it to him. He plans on framing it and making it into his own motivational poster.

WHO'S THE BIGGEST OVER-ACTOR?

Below are two clips of the biggest over-actors alive. David Caruso plays Horatio Cane on CSI: Miami, and Chuck Norris stars in Walker, Texas Ranger. Both shows are similarly cheesy and predictable. However, they are sort of like a bad car accident; you know you shouldn't watch, but you have to for some unknown reason.

Ever since NBC and Universal merged, Conan O'Brian has been able to show clips from Walker Texas Ranger whenever he wants, for free. He has been taking full advantage of this and some of the clips are pretty funny.




These are some of the greatest one-liners David Caruso comes up with for the beginning of the show every week.

CABO WAS FUN, BUT I'LL NEVER GO BACK

Last year, I went to Cab San Lucas for spring break. I had never gone on a college spring break before and apparently Cab is the default location for college kids to cause havoc on their parent's money for a week, so I decided to go there. The horror stories about people being robbed, kidnapped, or put in jail made me somewhat nervous about traveling to Mexico, but I got over it after my friend told me to grow up (I am a sucker for nonsensical solutions to problems). After booking a room, flight, and paying the extra money for an all-inclusive deal with the hotel it turned into a $1,300 waste of money. We were promised a great hotel room and amazing food, neither of which were true as it turns out. When we arrived to our room we found an 8x8 cell with one small bed and one huge window facing the lovely hallway of the hotel. My friends and I called it "the fish tank" because everyone walking by could see in. We also made a rule the first day that we had to keep the curtains open; for two reasons. First of all they served no purpose because there was no sunlight coming from the hallway, and second it was funny if everyone walking by could look in and see three guys sharing one bed.
The next morning I greatly improved our hotel room situation. I woke up first and decided to wake my roommates up by taking the water balloon launcher we brought and using it to shatter the coffee maker against the wall. What I didn't plan on happening was locking myself out when trying to secure the launcher to the door handle. I immediately heard laughing as the door slammed and knew that there was no chance of them letting me back in. The only thing to do then was to have a serious meeting with the hotel manager, while wearing my boxers, no shoes, and a tank top that I slept in, with the outcome being an incredible new room on the top floor with a huge balcony (which we filled with furniture that we stole from the lobby).

What really made my trip was that we let one kid stay for free (middle of picture) on the condition that he did whatever told him the entire time. Even before the trip started we told him that he wasn't allowed to bring his clothes. Instead, we told him that he had to go into his dad's closet and wear his clothes all week. We made him sleep on the balcony every night, and the maid folded and made his bed on the floor of the balcony every morning. We dressed him like every other "bro" that was in Cabo for spring break. We made him wear a puca-shell necklace, tank tops or Hawaiian shirts every day, we drew tribal armband tattoo's on his arm with permanent marker, and made him do stupid tasks like take "laps" walking around the pool with his elbows cocked out trying to look big like every other guy there. He did end up getting kicked out of almost every club we went to and went home with a black eye, but he thought it was really funny so he was a good sport about it.

This year I really don't want to go back, despite all the peer pressure to go again. I am really interested in going someplace a little more my pace this year, like Costa Rica or anywhere there aren't guys from New York that have been going to the gym and tanning salon's for the last six months to "get ready" for spring break.

ROBOT ONLINE DATING

My friend sent me this and I thought it was funny. Also we were talking about the anonymous nature of the Internet in class.

JAYWALKING

Last semester I received a jaywalking ticket at the corner of 30th and Hoover. The only reason I got the ticket was because I stepped two feet out into the intersection to say hi to some friends stopped at the stoplight. They honked, which got a cop's attention and he drove over and gave me a citation. I didn't think they even enforced jaywalking around the college campus, people do it literally right in front of cops all the time. The worst part about it was that the cop said something would come to me in the mail, I would pay a small fine, and then I would be done with this mess. This is not at all how the process worked for me. I was not notified of the fine until this month, and the notice was about how I missed my court date and now I owe $676 and my case had been turned over to a collection agency. So I after talking to every lawyer I know, both family members and parents of friends, my only option was to go sit at the courthouse all day and petition to set another court date. After waiting for hours at the nearest courthouse, I found out all I could do at this point was pay the fine.

I have now lost faith in our justice system. They pretty much scammed me out of money for something that I believe was not a justifiable offense. So, a word to the wise: don't trust cops, especially South Central cops that don't trust anyone and obviously have no friends.

ASR

I went to the San Diego Convention Center this weekend for ASR. ASR stands for Action Sports Retail and its a trade show for the Surf, Skate, and Snowboard industry. Every major company in the industry comes down and sets up booths to show off their newest product, whatever that may be. I went down with Happy Magazine, a surf/ lifestyle magazine out of Costa Mesa, California. I have a couple friends that work for the magazine, and sometimes I go in and help out. To put that a better way, sometimes I go over and distract people while they are trying to get work done. The trade show can be sort of a drag and kind of boring if you're working, but I don't have anything of real importance to do down there, so I had a good time. The most interesting booth is always put on by Volcom. This is because they always have a theme for their booth and everyone gets really into it. In the past they have had a Mariachi theme, where they hired real Mariachi bands to play, as well as bringing in donkeys. One show they had a fraternity theme, which was pretty funny. For this trade show they had a 1960's hippie theme, where everyone was wearing tie-died shirts and had long wigs. They actually had a fairly clever sign on their booth that said "moclov not war" (Volcom backwards). Overall it was fun, but it gets boring after half an hour or so.

BORED IN CLASS, PART II

How I got kicked out of Spanish class:

I had been "celebrating" my friend's brake-up with his girlfriend, who I referred to as "the devil." We started drinking at about 11am, which is a perfectly healthy college start time. So naturally I walk into class a good twenty minutes late. My answer to my teacher's inquiry of Como estas? was "you're the reason I have to press one to speak English" which apparently I thought was an appropriate joke at the time. She let that slide because I participate and try way more than most of the kids in my class. What she did not let slide, and got me kicked out of class was what happened next. She was looking up a word in the Spanish-to-English dictionary because she wasn't sure about the correct usage of a word. She took a little too long for my patience at the time, so I decided to say "its in alphabetical order." This did not go over well, as she replied with, "adios Justino" (my name in Spanish) and asked me to leave. She likes me and told me that she thought I was charming during the previous class meeting, so I'm not too worried. If anything else comes up I'll let you know.

BORED IN CLASS, PART I

Any class, no matter what the subject, has its boring moments throughout the semester. These are the times when you have to find things besides the teacher to keep you entertained. Usually, I find certain things amusing that most other people do not. I like to keep people on their toes when I'm bored in class and at least give them something to tell their friends later. Even though it is early on in the semester, I already have what I believe to be funny incidents in class. Most of these are probably the kind of stories where you had to be there, but this is my blog so I'm going to write about them anyway.

One of the most boring points of the semester is the first week, or more specifically the first day. Many teachers in moderate-to-small size classes choose to fill up the first day with the "get to know your neighbor" exercises. Ever since I was in elementary school, I have never taken these types of activities seriously. In one of my classes the first day of school this semester, everyone in the class had to choose three words that would best describe them. I was about the twentieth person to tell the class my three words. Everyone before me used a combination of "ambitious, hard-working, dedicated, or loyal" which are all great qualities, but made this exercise even more boring than it was to begin with, and didn't really give any insight as to the personality of these classmates. When it got to be my turn, I said "genius" followed by a five second pause, during which a couple of heads turned and looked to see what arrogant kid would actually say that about himself. Almost everyone in the now dead-silent class turned to see the obnoxious guy towards the back of the class during the pause after my second word, which was "gorgeous." The silence was broken with laughter after my final word of "humble." I also like it when teachers ask you why you are taking this class. While most people will answer that it fits their schedule or fulfills a requirement, my favorite answer is revenge. Answers like these usually just lighten the mood of a boring first day. Although, caution must be taken when making jokes like these in class, because some teachers do not find them amusing and they keep them in mind when grading.

MY DAY AT WORK

I have worked for my mom's property management company in Orange County for almost five years now. I thought it would be a good idea for my résumé to have held a solid job throughout college. When I started it was my first "real" work experience, because I don't count working at skate shops, golf courses, and Christmas tree lots as something that could help build my career. The first three years I worked hard and it was a challenging, valuable learning experience. However, after I moved to LA for school it turned into a long day of looking for ways to waste the time of doing pretty much nothing. This is because I now only work one day a week, I'm the only one in the office on Sundays, and I'm pretty sure no one even knows that we're open for business on Sundays. I get fed up of looking at facebook and myspace after an hour or so, and there's only so much homework I can do in one sitting before I have to turn to other time-wasting activities.

To warn anyone reading this, I'm not joking, my day really is this boring and yes I get paid to mess around by myself in an empty office all day. So, for an hour or so I hit golf balls from one patch of grass to another in the parking lot, and I only hit some random car parked in the parking lot three times, which is good for how many times I hit over it succesfully. Next, I actually had a homeowner come in to ask a quick question, which I easily could have answered within five minutes and he could have moved on with his day like a person with a normal job. Instead, I kept him talking to me about pretty much nothing for over half an hour because he was from New Zealand and I tried to fit words into the conversation that would sound funny if he said them. I broke my old record of stacking office furniture with 8 chairs; I almost hit the ceiling. After that I took a two and a half hour lunch with a couple friends, and fit in a couple games of beach volleyball on the courts that are about one hundred feet from the office. I started a fire in the kitchen, because that's the most mature way to check the smoke detector. Finally, for my final task of the day I finished processing all my paperwork, which was supposed to take me all day, in about fifteen minutes.

As an end note, I do take on other internships each semester and summer that I do take much more seriously than this. I'm not that bad of an employee usually, its just the all day boredom the fact that people really don't know the office is open on Sundays, and if they do they usually figure whatever they need to get done can wait until Monday.