Tuesday, April 24, 2007
My presentation today
I have to make a presentation for a class today. Its totally informal and not that big of a deal. However, I'm wearing a full suit and tie, putting a bluetooth earpiece in my ear, and pouring myself a glass of water during the presentation. I think this will go over well and really boost my ethos.
Monday, April 23, 2007
How my friends treat each other.
My friend Chris went to my friend James' parent's house when we were in high school to see if James was home. When his dad answered the door and said that James was not home, Chris told him that James owed him $50 dollars and said he was supposed to leave it by the front door. James' dad said he didn't see the money, but that he would give him the $50 and James could just pay him back. In reality, James did not owe Chris one cent, and now James owed his dad $50 dollars that Chris had conned out of him.
My friend Tyler is really good at impersonations and thus prank calls, so we decided it would be funny to get our friend Scott grounded for as long as possible. One day, Tyler called Scott's parents and claimed to be the dean of our high school. He proceeded to tell Scott's parents that he had been ditching school for the last month and was on track to be expelled. Tyler then set up a meeting (posing as the dean) with Scott's parents, but set the meeting for two weeks from that day. What this did is cause Scott to be grounded for the two weeks while waiting for his meeting with the dean and his parents. Pretty much every night when our group of friends were going out to party we would call Scott and ask him how his grounding was going, call him names while laughing and make fun of him the next day at school. He knew it was us, but his parents did not believe him and kept him grounded. The best part probably happened when Scott's parents actually showed up for the meeting with the dean and found out that the entire thing was fake.
I had a party at my house in high school, the day after my parents had our carpets professionally steam cleaned. I kept everyone on the hardwood floors, in the backyard, and off the carpets. However, my friend Ryan got too drunk and wandered into my living room and laid on my couch. He then decided it would be a good idea to puke on the carpet and not even attempt to make his way to the bathroom. I had to seek immediate revenge. I did not try to clean him up one bit, but instead dragged him into the bed of my friend's truck, drove over every speed bump on the way to his house, then left him on his front porch passed out with puke all over him with a note saying "ground me." This was already sufficient revenge, but I did not stop there. It was early in January, so Ryan's entire neighborhood had set their Christmas trees out on the curb to be collected. I knew Ryan was trying to sell his piece of shit car, we called the trapezoid. I also knew how to break into Ryan's car because of a broken window. With some help from three of my friends, we drove around dragging every tree in front of Ryan's house. We then opened all the doors, and the sunroof to his car and stuffed every tree from his neighborhood into his car and then piled the rest on top until you couldn't even see his car, but instead it looked like a giant mound of trees. His car wreaked of pine and he couldn't sell his car for months because it smelled so bad.
Another time in high school, I stole a stack of detention slips and had my friend that worked in the front office of the school actually process the detentions I would write my other friends. In essence, if my friend pissed me off or said something mean to me, I would take out a detention slip and write him a detention that he really would have to serve.
Last but not least, I was at my friend Will's house and he told me he was planning on slipping a laxative into our friend Jimmy's drink later that day. Being a good friend, I warned Jimmy that Will was plotting against him. This backfired for everyone. Jimmy thought it would be funny to put the laxative into Will's family milk in their refrigerator. The entire family ended up drinking the milk over the next couple days, except Will. Will's father, mother, and three siblings all had to miss at least one day of work or school. No one knew what happened for weeks, until it came out that it was Jimmy. Somehow I was roped into the story, so Jimmy and I were banned from Will's house for over a year.
My friend Tyler is really good at impersonations and thus prank calls, so we decided it would be funny to get our friend Scott grounded for as long as possible. One day, Tyler called Scott's parents and claimed to be the dean of our high school. He proceeded to tell Scott's parents that he had been ditching school for the last month and was on track to be expelled. Tyler then set up a meeting (posing as the dean) with Scott's parents, but set the meeting for two weeks from that day. What this did is cause Scott to be grounded for the two weeks while waiting for his meeting with the dean and his parents. Pretty much every night when our group of friends were going out to party we would call Scott and ask him how his grounding was going, call him names while laughing and make fun of him the next day at school. He knew it was us, but his parents did not believe him and kept him grounded. The best part probably happened when Scott's parents actually showed up for the meeting with the dean and found out that the entire thing was fake.
I had a party at my house in high school, the day after my parents had our carpets professionally steam cleaned. I kept everyone on the hardwood floors, in the backyard, and off the carpets. However, my friend Ryan got too drunk and wandered into my living room and laid on my couch. He then decided it would be a good idea to puke on the carpet and not even attempt to make his way to the bathroom. I had to seek immediate revenge. I did not try to clean him up one bit, but instead dragged him into the bed of my friend's truck, drove over every speed bump on the way to his house, then left him on his front porch passed out with puke all over him with a note saying "ground me." This was already sufficient revenge, but I did not stop there. It was early in January, so Ryan's entire neighborhood had set their Christmas trees out on the curb to be collected. I knew Ryan was trying to sell his piece of shit car, we called the trapezoid. I also knew how to break into Ryan's car because of a broken window. With some help from three of my friends, we drove around dragging every tree in front of Ryan's house. We then opened all the doors, and the sunroof to his car and stuffed every tree from his neighborhood into his car and then piled the rest on top until you couldn't even see his car, but instead it looked like a giant mound of trees. His car wreaked of pine and he couldn't sell his car for months because it smelled so bad.
Another time in high school, I stole a stack of detention slips and had my friend that worked in the front office of the school actually process the detentions I would write my other friends. In essence, if my friend pissed me off or said something mean to me, I would take out a detention slip and write him a detention that he really would have to serve.
Last but not least, I was at my friend Will's house and he told me he was planning on slipping a laxative into our friend Jimmy's drink later that day. Being a good friend, I warned Jimmy that Will was plotting against him. This backfired for everyone. Jimmy thought it would be funny to put the laxative into Will's family milk in their refrigerator. The entire family ended up drinking the milk over the next couple days, except Will. Will's father, mother, and three siblings all had to miss at least one day of work or school. No one knew what happened for weeks, until it came out that it was Jimmy. Somehow I was roped into the story, so Jimmy and I were banned from Will's house for over a year.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Out of context quotes 4
"Ya it went great, she didn't even make me sleep on the couch this time, but I've never seen someone lay that close to the edge of a bed before."
Friday, April 20, 2007
Out of context quotes 3
"Whoever was to my left last night was throwing really good punches, my jaw hurts so bad."
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
BASHIO
I am taking time out from the greatest party known to man to write this blog as this is the best way possible to document such a glorious expression of the college experience.
Mustashio Bashio is an annual event not to be missed. The rules are simple:
No girls allowed.
You have to drink, nay pound as fast as possible, warm Jack Daniels out of a plastic cup handed to you as you walk in the gate.
No chasers.
No excuses.
No wining.
No complaining.
There are trashcans set up every five feet to catch the puke.
If you are an upper classman that is capable you must have been growing a mustache over the last month. If you are a newbie or unable to physically grow a 'stache you will be appointed an asshole that draws one on you with permanent marker.
Drink/ regurgitate your cup within twenty minutes.
Walk or stumble to the 90 to ruin a bunch of normal people's nights.
Be awesome.
There will be a follow up post with pictures if available, although most people will refuse to take pictures as they could easily be used for blackmail in the future.
Mustashio Bashio is an annual event not to be missed. The rules are simple:
No girls allowed.
You have to drink, nay pound as fast as possible, warm Jack Daniels out of a plastic cup handed to you as you walk in the gate.
No chasers.
No excuses.
No wining.
No complaining.
There are trashcans set up every five feet to catch the puke.
If you are an upper classman that is capable you must have been growing a mustache over the last month. If you are a newbie or unable to physically grow a 'stache you will be appointed an asshole that draws one on you with permanent marker.
Drink/ regurgitate your cup within twenty minutes.
Walk or stumble to the 90 to ruin a bunch of normal people's nights.
Be awesome.
There will be a follow up post with pictures if available, although most people will refuse to take pictures as they could easily be used for blackmail in the future.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Out of context quotes
Whenever I hear a friend say a stupid or funny quote, I'm going to post it and if anyone wants to hear the full story behind it they can just comment and ask. If not I'm letting the quote just sit there.
The first one I will post is:
"When the sink hot and cold knobs are reversed its the most frustrating thing in the world. Well, maybe not the most frustrating, but its up there."
The first one I will post is:
"When the sink hot and cold knobs are reversed its the most frustrating thing in the world. Well, maybe not the most frustrating, but its up there."
Monday, April 16, 2007
Friday, April 6, 2007
d e a l o r n o d e al
This show pisses me off like you wouldn't believe, but yet I watch it quite frequently (mostly to make fun of its ridiculous unnecessary suspense). I actually wrote a huge rant about how much Howie Mandel sucks and that he makes up the names of the girls on the show, because there is no way he could remember all their real names. However, I messed up and lost the post so I'm settling with the main point that the show sucks.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
My latest eBay purchase
I recently bought a neon pink Speedo hat that is made specifically for volleyball legend Karch Kiraly to wear during tournaments. He wears it with the bill flipped up in the front, and it says SPEEDO in all caps in black. It is one of the most obnoxiously loud articles of clothing I've ever seen. I plan on wearing this way too much, so when I get pictures maybe I'll post one.
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