HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN

When I moved into my apartment this year the guy who lived in my room before me left a bunch of his stuff. One thing I found was an interesting book entitled How To Be a Gentleman by John Bridges. I started laughing at the thought of this book, but it only got funnier as I read page after page of the most ridiculous advice someone could give men. Some of the chapters are entitled "A Gentleman Gets Dressed" and "A Gentleman Gets Equipped." Here are a couple of my favorite quotes. Keep in mind this book is 100% serious.

"A gentleman knows how to make a grilled cheese at 2 A.M. and an omelet at 7 A.M." (so what he's telling you is that a gentleman sleeps no more than four solid hours a night)

"If a gentleman eats in bed, he always changes his sheets" (Was that a necessary use of ink in his book?)

"Unless he is a Texas Ranger or a cattle rancher, a gentleman does not wear cowboy boots with a suit." (Lucky rangers...I would kill to wear some cowboy boots with a suit. Also, what about funny cowboy themed weddings? Does it count if you're just kidding?)

And, my personal favorite...seriously I laughed for a solid ten minutes at this and called a couple friends and read this to them. They didn't think it was that funny, but they're morons. OK, here it is:

"If a gentleman can afford it, he has someone else clean his house for him." (I think if the author could afford it, he would bring back slavery)

Conclusions:

• John Bridges has way too much time on his hands.


• This is one of the best 'f*ck you' gifts you could give to a guy that hasn't quite mastered common courtesy.


• I will make my kids read this as a punishment one day.


• This book now levels my coffee table.